All Healing Starts from Accepting What We Can’t Control

“How are we going to deal with the strong ethnic related feelings that you are now influencing us to suppress? Is it not difficult to achieve complete inner peace given the recent experiences?” Interesting observations indeed from a devoted reader, who is seemingly up-to date. He most likely had interrogated the recent piece titled, “healing the nation through making the best out of our rich ethnic diversity.”

Realistically, there is nothing wrong with feeling uneasy about the outcomes of the last elections, now better treated as part of our national history. However, deep insights on cultural inclinations anywhere in the world bring out some interesting perspectives. Indeed, culture is far and wide ethnocentric in nature. Why so?

The smallest unit recognized in cultural terms is the family. People feel very secure as family units. The same comfort extends to clans, which are larger family units of distant relatives. The immediate society follows closely until we get to the larger tribal web. Up-to this level people have their behaviors and norms largely in common. But beyond this, people start feeling insecure either in the hands or company of strange fellows from other ethnic groupings. That eventually leads to our largely beneficial ethnic differences, which were elaborately discussed in a previous write up.

Related to this are the remarks on achievement of complete inner peace as noted earlier. The same bring to mind some experiences that occurred between the years 2006 and 2008. A huge team of consultants had been recruited by a subsidiary of one of the World Bank bodies. The purpose was to execute a project that involved preparing employees of a giant corporate body, for early retirement. Only then could the affected organization complete an elaborate re-structuring process.

Personally, I, within the said period, spent more than 50 training days on this very special project. The exercise took me to Embu in Eastern Kenya, Kisumu in Nyanza region, Eldoret in the Great Rift Valley and back to Nairobi. It involved spending several days in each station, helping people whose ages ranged from their twenties up-to the 50s. Their sudden transition to ‘unemployment’ called for inevitable preparations. Sadly, some were instructed to leave their work stations and immediately proceed for training without any prior notice. How did this impact on them?

Some were in shock and desperation as we received them on the morning of the first of the two days of the training. Probably, not many consultants had previously noticed so much tears, shed by grown up men and women, as was then happening. Under such circumstances, no learning could have been possible or even meaningful. So, the first of the several training sessions was to provide these disillusioned delegates with opportunities to cry openly. Others had very hard feelings on the employer and particularly their immediate bosses.

They imagined that they had a hand in their predicaments. More still, others were behaving strong and ‘prepared’ for the eventualities. They had read the signs and therefore expected any eventualities. Thus, they were somehow adaptable to the change and were eager to understand how to face life after formal employment. As such, each of the delegates was going through different levels of stress better referred to as distress. Our call of duty entailed first dealing with those stressful situations, for the preparations to make sense.

In personal management, sudden change or unexpected occurrences present predictable patterns of behavior. The first one is denial. The news recipient refuses to accept the reality. As the same finally starts sinking, depression sets in, which is eventually followed by acceptance. Those who accept are able to recover and positively plus even energetically move on with life.

Those who are unable to accept the reality may sink into bouts of depression. Obviously, those are the signs of emotional imbalance. The same could thereafter lead to serious ailments and suicidal tendencies. As noted variously, more than 80% of people in hospital beds suffer from emotionally induced illnesses (EIIs). They started from the mind and eventually spread to the rest of the body, sometimes incapacitating it completely. Certainly, strokes, heart attacks, paralysis and such others fall in this category. Don’t they?

Similarly, Kenyans had varying expectations during the recent elections. They were supporting different candidates, some who won whereas others lost at different levels of the electoral contests. Some quickly accepted defeat whereas others are still in state of disbelief. We have even witnessed some who could not cope with the defeat of their candidates leading to termination of their own lives. This is distressing, isn’t it?

Our smooth continuity into the future under new leadership and constitutional dispensation, demands that we accept whatever happened because we can’t change it. Or can we? We actually need to contribute to national development whilst endowed with positive feelings and enthusiastic energy.

The same will no doubt help us to vigorously participate in the elections five years on. Needless, to emphasize, the same positive reactions will inevitably apply to all other stressful situations in our lives. But, I would certainly be eager to learn of any other strategy of dealing with similar change, if at all. Is there any?